We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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