Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize