His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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