I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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