My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
