I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
