i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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