Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
