I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
