dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
