before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
