What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
honey bunches of taint.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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