Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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