Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
