Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We need to get me chipped asap
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
