Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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