We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
