Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
