At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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