I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
