Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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