yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
