why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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