This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize