he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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