the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
