ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
