id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sarcasm needs its own font
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
