vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
