she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
