her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
