Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
