Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
