He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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