We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
