My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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