hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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