i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize