Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
