I'm going to jail i love you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
