4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
