after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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