3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
