Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
