I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Soap is not a condiment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
