tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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