I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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