i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
