we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
