see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My ass is underappreciated
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
