Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
