how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
