Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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