Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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