We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
