the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
