I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a search helicopter?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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