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I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
