my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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