She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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