i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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