put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
