White coat. Heels.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
