32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
