i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
