I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
