I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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