Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
