batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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