Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
