Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
