Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize