I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
