I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
