atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
