i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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