I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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