I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
